Do you really love him or is your ego afraid to lose him?

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Ask yourself one question.

Let’s say your partner breaks up with you. Do you feel hurt and you suffer because you can’t live without him/her or because your ego can’t understand how in the world you got dumped when you’re so perfect and desirable?

If you go with the second option, chill baby, you don’t really love him/her, it’s just your ego that is hurt.

When it comes to relationships they all seem to have the same problems yet each and every one is different in their own way. Some couples argue about lack of affection while others feel suffocated from it. Minor problems from things like “you never take the garbage out”  or “you never buy me flowers” can lead to things like “you never listen to me”, “we never have sex anymore” or “ you don’t look at me like you used to “.

All these blames and criticism are just a cry for help that come from one thing : FEAR.

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Fear is the opposite of love. Fear makes us act crazy all of a sudden then start wondering why is the whole relationship going down in flames. From fear comes lack of communication. “What will he think of me if I say that?”, “What if I ask him something and he gets mad and we start fighting”

So we wait and wait until that small ball of unanswered questions becomes so big you can’t hold it inside anymore and you burst it all out at once.

Fear is also Ego’s best friend. So when problems appear and fear takes place, ego is there to support. “Why don’t you love me anymore? Am I not good enough?” See, that’s the ego talking. “How can you not love me anymore when its clear I’m more than enough.” 

When problems appear and all you do is think about you and pity yourself that’s your ego that doesn’t want to conceive the situation or to accept it anyhow. You start being angry, furious, outraged while yelling at the person you’re assuming to love, until they’re fed up with your disgusting attitude. When your ego notices that the angry scene is not bringing the expected outcome, fear installs.  You fear your partner is going to break up with you. You fear he or she doesn’t love you enough. You fear that you might actually not be enough. You don’t think for a second to give up fighting and you prefer to stay in this now toxic relationship where you argue all day and treat each other like shit.

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Why are we doing that?

Why does it have to be so complicated when the solution is so simple : either learn to talk honest about your problems, not with fear but with kindness, love and acceptance for one another or save yourself the trouble and the drama and just leave.

If you leave, take something with you. The experience. Analyze what brought you to this toxic point and watch out with future relationships so you don’t end up in a never ending circle of suffering.

If you choose to stay and communicate everything through, you have to be strong enough to let go of the past and never bring it back. You can’t take back anything you’ve done or said.

Communicate. 

Understand.

Forgive. 

Give a second chance. But while giving this second chance make sure you really want it and commit 100% this time because otherwise you’ll just end up on square one again. Have patience with one another, respect and listen to each other and never take your partner for granted. These are simple things that we often forget they matter but they are the ones making a difference while preserving the quality of your relationship.

-Olivia

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